Barber placed his hand in his grandmother’s cold clammy hand. Grandma was sleeping in her bed just as she had for the past ten years. His stomach filled with butterflies not knowing the slightest way to begin. Her subtle breathing and her closed eyes revealed she was in another world. Barber pretended she was wide awake and listening as he leaned closer to her.
“Hi grandma. How are you doing today?”
There was no answer; her condition hadn’t changed for the past four months and the phone call from the nursing home urged him to see her today. Barber looked outside to see the autumn leaves fall to the ground. It was cold outside, more so than any other day, but maybe it was the sign that he dreaded as a child. He rested his head on grandma’s warm chest and heard her heart beat. Then slowly, he lifted his head as he wiped his eyes and looked at her.
“I’m so happy to see you today,” he gasped as the tears rose from his eyes.
“There is so much I want to say to you and I don’t know where to begin,” he choked in a laugh as he wiped his eyes.
“My mom, dad and sister got to visit Paris with my sister as a field trip the school set up. She’s having the time of her life, but she’s thinking of you. Caroline finished her Floral Design and has a certificate. May is almost finished with Ninth Grade and will be starting tenth grade.”
Barber buried his face into her chest and put his arm on her shoulder, “You’re very special to me grandma and I want you to know that. You were always there for me, my sisters, and especially my mother,” his voice trembled as he revealed a smile on his face and re-lived the memories. One of the memories gave him pleasure to re-live made him laugh. It filled his soul like a picture of water pouring into a flower bed filled with roses. It was this memory that unfolded in such flashbacks.
“Grandma can we play checkers?” asked Barber as he lifted the checker board for her to
see. Beneath the thick glasses Blanch grinned at the young eight year old.
“Set it up!” Barber placed the pieces on the board until she was finished cooking the soup on the stove. He was black, she was red and when all was well, he made the first move.
“Hey Grandma, what is that big wooden thing on the book shelf?”
“It’s a nut,” she answered as she carefully moved her checker piece.
“The stuff in the dark wooden dresser down stairs, who’s is it?” he asked as he moved his checker piece.
“That belonged to your grandpa. Someday when you’re older you can have it,” she answered moving her red checker piece. Barber quickly double jumped two checker pieces. Blanch hesitated for a minute realizing what had happened.
“I think you’re cheating,” she chuckled.
After the game, they spent the hour reading Three Little Pigs and The Gingerbread Man. They ate chicken sandwiches and vegetable soup while they talked about the importance of saving money. Save your pennies, dimes and nickels is what she would always say.
“In school I can run like the Gingerbread Man,” Barber insisted as his grandma laughed. The powerful taste of ginger snaps and Fig Newton’s filled his stomach with such delight.
“We had a lot of good times, grandma. Every year on Thanksgiving and
Christmas we would play Monopoly and every summer I would mow your lawn
and you would pay me twenty dollars for doing it. I remember you telling me the value
of saving it. I think back on it and would give every cent of it back just so you could rejoice to me the way you did when I was young.” Barber lightly caressed his hand over her forehead and into her grey, curly hair. He sat in her bed and looked at her and tried to think about all the things she had said.
All the good advice she not only gave him, but his mother as well. From
Grandparents Day in 2nd grade to the troubled times that nearly ripped the family apart. The power of what grandma said embraced so much love and convalescence that it made the family stronger and able to overcome any disaster.
“You know what the happiest day of my life is?” Barber whispered into her ear. “The day I graduated from high school! I was getting ready that morning for the ceremony and you called my house. I could tell you were crying on the other end of the phone because you were so happy for me and wished you could be there to watch me walk. I was in tears on the phone when you congratulated and told me how you felt. Caroline told me how surprised you were when she showed you her prom dress. Caroline told me you thought she was an angel. All the times when Lanet and I would get into fights and you would break us apart. Well we settled our differences and get along better than we have before. There is one thing that you were right about with May, my baby sister. When she was five you knew she would be smart, an honor roll student. Well grandma you were right, she is smart! She is so smart that I tell her to not put herself down when she is faced with a mathematical problem that I know I could never break down at her age.”
It was the morning before the field trip to Paris and Barber’s mom was sitting at the kitchen table with his dad and sister Lanett. Barber walked upstairs to take a shower and wish them luck on their trip.
“Barber come here,” his mother insisted as the two met.
“I had a dream that grandma’s going to pass away while we’re gone. Can you and Caroline visit her while we’re gone?”
“Yes, of course.” Barber said because he knew from studying and interpreting dreams that there wasn’t much time. He knew the dream was prophetic right from the start. After his parent’s departure and talking to his sisters he made it a high priority to visit. “
“Grandma there is so much I wish I could do. I wish I was seven or eight years old again to relive those moments of picking blackberries in the hot summer to drinking hot chocolate in the cold blizzards while playing Old Maid. My mom told me something that you once told her, when I was teasing the kids at school.
“If you haven’t got anything nice to say, then don’t say anything.” That is something that I, to this day, keep in mind whenever someone makes me mad. Barber looked at his clock to see it was 3:30 pm and was unhappy to see it was time to go to work. He dried his eyes with the Kleenex and bent his head over her forehead and left a good-bye kiss.
“I love you grandma, I got to go, but I’ll be back as soon as I can,” he assured her.
It started in the middle of Barber’s job while unloading the second trailer at One Way Ship Service. The haunting voice of his grandmother’s departure was driving him crazy and he got the impression that the last hours were at hand. He stepped out of trailer and walked over to his supervisor.
“I got to go, now!” Barber ordered as his supervisor looked up at him from his clipboard.
“What is the problem?” he asked.
“My grandmother needs me, I think she’s about to pass away. I can’t work, I can’t think straight, I need to leave!” demanded Barber.
“OK, go see her,” replied the supervisor.
Barber could feel his heart pound as he ran out of the hub like there was a fire and into the parking lot where his car was. He dug into his pockets for the keys and found them. Barber could feel the tremendous cold of the vacant car and the voices grew louder depicting the next few hours of his grandmother. Barber turned the car on and peeled out of the parking lot.
Barber arrived at his destination, locked the doors and ran inside. The brief smell of the nursing home and warm air gave him an empty feeling. He looked along the walls for her name and found her room. He peered inside the room to find a young nurse changing the bed spread on the bed that was empty. Barber began to choke as his throat felt dry. He was thinking and hoping she was maybe switched to another room. “Where’s my grandma?” The nurse looked at him with a frown and her sad eyes said enough, but before she spoke he backed away. Barber began to shake his head, not wanting to believe it and not wanting to accept it.
“No,” he cried, but in his mind he was screaming it.
The young man left and sat in his car bombarded in a wail of a storm. If only he took off work to stay with her. How stupid he was for leaving and why did he leave? He left to go to work. Why didn’t he just call in and stay? He felt guilty for not choosing the last few minutes with grand, perhaps, she would have held on. Why? The question haunted him and his stomach hurt and saw a replay of his life with grandma from the beginning of his life to the end.
Then he realized she gave him more than he realized and it was that wisdom that that made him the man he was today. What was he to tell Caroline and most of all his mother who had the dream that grandma was going to pass away while she wasn’t around. He could still see her face and hear her laughter.
With the slow push of the key he heard the ignition of his car start up and headed home. The car pulled up the drive and he got out feeling empty and sad, he didn’t know what he was going to say to Caroline. He approached the door of his house and felt hesitant to break the news to his sister. He turned the knob and entered to feel the house shake with the slam of the door, which echoed deep in his ears. Only the illuminating light from a lamp upstairs filled the darkness throughout the house. He walked upstairs to see his sister sitting cross-legged on the sofa. He didn’t have to speak for he saw in her eyes that she already knew. He took off his jacket and set it on the staircase.
“Grandma’s gone,” sobbed Caroline.
“I know,” Barber answered and slowly walked up to the couch to sit down.
“She was in so much pain! I told her that if she wanted to go, that it was ok for her to go!” continued Caroline.
“What time did you see her?” asked Barber.
“I saw her at four o’clock,” replied Caroline.
Barber looked into his sister’s eyes and felt a weight had been lifted. Grandma wasn’t alone and that Caroline arrived after he left. He saw her lips tremble as she all of a sudden hugged Barger and began crying. It was through her eyes that Barber could see that grandma met just as much to her as she had to him.
“Grandma was crying! I could see she was crying,” sobbed Caroline.
“I stayed as long as I could and then I just had to leave because it was so painful to be there. I got the call from the nursing home after I got home and I couldn’t believe it. I didn’t want to believe it!” She broke into tears again as Barber hugged her while feeling her pain
“Sshh, it’s ok, she will always be with us,” replied Barber as he remembered Grandma’s smile when he and his sister were children. She Says
Ryan Keith Johnson
Copy Right 2009
All Rights Reserved.
